haha, kinda? no one ever locks their doors in the underground, that's for sure.
[Except for Sans.]
i dunno, i mean. robberies don't happen all that much, since everyone pretty much knows each other. and if someone's gonna just walk into your house randomly it's usually cause they're a friend, so.
[Monsters are just like that. Inherently good, and kind. And they...
They don't deserve to live among them. Never did. Never should have. But this is exactly what they wanted to erase by talking to him about this. That feeling of not belonging.]
[They smile, an unintentional, startled quirk of the lips. Of course he'd know. He has his way of showing up wherever he's not supposed to be, much in the same manner as a cat.]
Sans?
Would there be a way to keep a picture of us in Wonderland, in the same way you can keep the picture of the people you don't want to forget? So that there's no way for anything to touch it.
Yeah. I'm just tired of losing people. Undyne, and Asriel. I don't want to forget people. I wish I could just keep everything safe, all the memories. So I won't forget. So no one forgets.
I keep trying to remember. It was sort of my responsibility to keep people safe at home. But I can't do that here can I
The response comes in stutters, carefully typed out over a period of about ten to fifteen minutes. Painstaking, slow. Double-checking for errors. Trying to make it...palatable. Acceptable. Not inconvenient.]
It feels like I did in all the worst moments. It feels like I should be able to SAVE them like I SAVED everyone, but I can't. It feels like maybe, if I just tried harder, if I used that power and that determination that made me so special, I would be able to save them.
I'm always the one that changes things. I'm the only thing that changes, and the world reacts to me. So it must be me. It must be something I did. And I have to SAVE them, and bring them back. I have to try.
I must not want it hard enough. Some part of me must want this. Some part of me must be happy with this. Some part of me wanted it. If it didn't, shouldn't I be able to make things right again?
[He knew what he was asking. And he expected this answer. Expected the harshness and desperate frustration.]
[It strikes him, not for the first time, that he and Frisk are pretty similar. Or that maybe a past version of himself and Frisk are similar. He tried so damn hard to save Gaster, to roll everything back to how it was and fix everything. He was the only one who remembered. The one with the "special power," so to speak. And it amounted to nothing. None of it mattered. It was like trying to change one of the fundamental laws of the universe. It doesn't even really come down to personal failings and shortcomings. It comes down to the fact that some things just absolutely cannot be changed.]
i get it
it's a horrible feeling.
but you do realize that it's not actually your fault, right?
that it's just a feeling?
though knowing doesn't actually help all that much
feelings like that are kinda irrational
you just sort of...feel them. regardless of whether they're true or not
alphys has this theory
about a sort of...tiered structure to reality?
like a big cake
because everything with any sort of power has to bend to something with more power
so monsters are on the bottom
you, chara, and the both of you as the anomaly are somewhere in the middle
and wonderland is on top
although that's slightly inaccurate
you'd need an infinite cake
because there's always going to be something out there with more power
forces we can't see or understand
there might be something beyond wonderland, controlling it in some way
but we'll likely never know what it is
and it doesn't matter, because wonderland itself controls us
trumps any sort of power or determination we might have
and, yanno
that's not exactly a pleasant thought and it's probably kind of scary
but it does mean that the stuff that happens to us here isn't out fault
that it's just beyond our control
it's just wonderland being overpowering and capricious
but, uh, then again
that probably isn't very helpful
i'm already used to this sort of thing
i wish i could give you advice on how to get used to it
Yeah, I know. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense. But Chara and I kind of figured it out the other day, when we were in your room. It's what we were arguing about. We're not the most powerful things back home. There's us but there's also
There wasn't just us in my head, there was something
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text
Date: 2016-08-30 04:48 am (UTC)but you know, it's not so bad.
it's better than none of you being here at all.
[That was a pretty lonely time, even if it only lasted a few months.]
and it's okay, seriously.
i'm not mad.
like i said, i sort of knew it would happen eventually.
text 1/2
Date: 2016-08-30 04:54 am (UTC)text
Date: 2016-08-30 04:56 am (UTC)[Just a little bit. Not by much.]
text
Date: 2016-08-30 05:03 am (UTC)you've both always been curious.
[Sometimes too much for their own good.]
kind of an odd way to pass the time, but hey
whatever works.
text
Date: 2016-08-30 05:14 am (UTC)Do you guys always have an open-door policy or something?
text
Date: 2016-08-30 05:32 am (UTC)[Except for Sans.]
i dunno, i mean. robberies don't happen all that much, since everyone pretty much knows each other. and if someone's gonna just walk into your house randomly it's usually cause they're a friend, so.
text
Date: 2016-08-30 05:40 am (UTC)[Monsters are just like that. Inherently good, and kind. And they...
They don't deserve to live among them. Never did. Never should have. But this is exactly what they wanted to erase by talking to him about this. That feeling of not belonging.]
Most of the people we met are friends anyway.
text
Date: 2016-08-30 05:47 am (UTC)or at least a good way to troll some people.
text
Date: 2016-08-30 05:54 am (UTC)Sans?
Would there be a way to keep a picture of us in Wonderland, in the same way you can keep the picture of the people you don't want to forget? So that there's no way for anything to touch it.
text
Date: 2016-08-30 06:02 am (UTC)no, i'm sorry.
the way that happens is...
it's kind of a combination of a few complicated science things
there's this device that someone made once, and some other stuff
but uh
none of it can be replicated here
but maybe...there's that guy doing the photo album thing, right?
all of our stuff disappears when we go home
but stuff like that, that's shared ends up sticking around
as long as someone is here to remember, theoretically you could just
kind of pass a picture or a photo album around?
so that it's always moving and won't disappear when the person does
but that's not quite the same thing.
text
Date: 2016-08-30 06:07 am (UTC)In case anything happens. It would make it harder if stuff was
If I couldn't just disappear.
text
Date: 2016-08-30 07:44 am (UTC)yeah, i understand.
i dunno, kid
i think the best we can do is remember for each other.
it makes what harder, though?
text
Date: 2016-08-30 05:10 pm (UTC)I keep trying to remember. It was sort of my responsibility to keep people safe at home. But I can't do that here can I
text
Date: 2016-08-31 03:37 am (UTC)it doesn't have to be your responsibility here
i think wonderland's just more powerful than all of us.
text
Date: 2016-08-31 03:50 am (UTC)But it still feels like I should be doing a better job of this. I don't even know how to lose someone if I wasn't the one to kill them.
text
Date: 2016-08-31 04:06 am (UTC)having lost undyne and asriel
how does it feel?
text 1/??
Date: 2016-08-31 04:14 am (UTC)Does he know what he's asking?
The response comes in stutters, carefully typed out over a period of about ten to fifteen minutes. Painstaking, slow. Double-checking for errors. Trying to make it...palatable. Acceptable. Not inconvenient.]
* You struggle.
* Nothing happened.
text
Date: 2016-08-31 04:16 am (UTC)text
Date: 2016-08-31 04:16 am (UTC)Because I'm not trying hard enough. That's how it feels.
text
Date: 2016-08-31 04:17 am (UTC)Why doesn't it work?
text
Date: 2016-08-31 04:19 am (UTC)The resolve to change fate.
That special power.
I must not want it hard enough. Some part of me must want this. Some part of me must be happy with this. Some part of me wanted it. If it didn't, shouldn't I be able to make things right again?
But I must not want it badly enough.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-31 04:19 am (UTC)...
...no wonder he didn't want to let go.]
text DONE
Date: 2016-08-31 04:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-08-31 04:56 am (UTC)[It strikes him, not for the first time, that he and Frisk are pretty similar. Or that maybe a past version of himself and Frisk are similar. He tried so damn hard to save Gaster, to roll everything back to how it was and fix everything. He was the only one who remembered. The one with the "special power," so to speak. And it amounted to nothing. None of it mattered. It was like trying to change one of the fundamental laws of the universe. It doesn't even really come down to personal failings and shortcomings. It comes down to the fact that some things just absolutely cannot be changed.]
i get it
it's a horrible feeling.
but you do realize that it's not actually your fault, right?
that it's just a feeling?
though knowing doesn't actually help all that much
feelings like that are kinda irrational
you just sort of...feel them. regardless of whether they're true or not
alphys has this theory
about a sort of...tiered structure to reality?
like a big cake
because everything with any sort of power has to bend to something with more power
so monsters are on the bottom
you, chara, and the both of you as the anomaly are somewhere in the middle
and wonderland is on top
although that's slightly inaccurate
you'd need an infinite cake
because there's always going to be something out there with more power
forces we can't see or understand
there might be something beyond wonderland, controlling it in some way
but we'll likely never know what it is
and it doesn't matter, because wonderland itself controls us
trumps any sort of power or determination we might have
and, yanno
that's not exactly a pleasant thought and it's probably kind of scary
but it does mean that the stuff that happens to us here isn't out fault
that it's just beyond our control
it's just wonderland being overpowering and capricious
but, uh, then again
that probably isn't very helpful
i'm already used to this sort of thing
i wish i could give you advice on how to get used to it
or at least how to make the best of it.
i'm sorry, frisk.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-31 05:46 am (UTC)There wasn't just us in my head, there was something
[Ow.
That thought hurt for some reason.]
Sorry. Shouldn't talk about it.
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